Wednesday 26 August 2009

Death

Early this evening I went to a memorial service for a freshman student from one of my classes last year who had died suddenly over the Summer. Overall I found the experience touching and positive, but it put me in a reflective mood and I find it impossible to concentrate on the game. (Though, to be honest, the Red Sox' mediocre performance recently has contributed to this indifference.)

Near the end of the service I remembered our last encounter, an amusing end to a Calc 2 final that was especially pleasant for me (a couple of beers, a winning online poker game, and a covert encounter). I had put a freebie question (draw an animal) on the test and he exclaimed after handing in his paper that he had forgotten entirely to do it; I reassured him that I'd give him the points anyway: perhaps it was a polar bear. I couldn't help but smile at the memory, and smiling felt right. I smiled right through Amazing Grace, which even in my best of moods usually elicits a tear or several.

It was wretched to see the grief on several faces who were friends of his from our class and elsewhere, but I realised that for many of them this could be their first experience of a friend dying so young. I remembered Joe, a friend of mine from Oxford. He had a poise and a maturity and an ability to touch others that I suspect only comes with a heightened sense of one's own mortality. He died of leukemia in the Summer after our second year. We weren't even close (relative to many of his other friends) but I still think of him and remember how good he was to me. He was my first such experience. Having lost so many friends since then -- mostly through natural attrition, though occasionally more unexpectedly such as through death or a relationship turned sour -- I feel better able to assimilate further losses and to concentrate on the positive aspects, the times that I have shared with people. Of course I was lucky today, in some way: I had completed the natural cycle of encounters one has with a passing student, which perhaps made it easier for me to focus on the positive, but I hope his friends can come to their own comforting realisations in time.

I have often wondered who would be my Best Man, if I should ever get married. Beyond questions of competence, the main feature I think I would want is someone who, when asked, would answer "Wow, really?!" as opposed to, simply, "Really?!". I saw today that my former student Branko would have had a plethora of "Wow, really?!"s to choose between, and it was obvious how he had earned that affection and popularity. Most people don't have the capability to achieve that, and I for one would be happy to have touched one (perhaps two) people in the way that he did.

Tuesday 4 August 2009

Crashing a plane

A few days ago, I had my first ever lucid dream. I have mostly come to terms with the fact that I might die horribly some day, whether in a plane crash or elsewhere, and flying no longer bothers me... mostly. The recent Air France disaster flying out of Brazil must have been on my mind this night, because I dreamt I was in a plane and the pilot kept swerving leftwards and rightwards in turbulence, seemingly slowing down but never quite succumbing to the fate of AF 447. So I woke up.

Then I thought: "I want to do this." I was barely awake so fell asleep quite quickly, and to my surprise I resumed in my aisle seat (??D) near the back of the plane. We jerked to the right right once more, and I decided "Screw this, we're going down." And down we went. Engines stalled. Several seconds of plunging followed, dark and quite unpleasant, before I awoke in a bit of a sweat, cursing my curiosity.

That dream occupies my thoughts as I watch the Red Sox at Tampa Bay, currently 1-0 in the second. I might look into the method of lucid dreaming and try to put it to more pleasant use.

One disadvantage of being in Britain is that most games start at midnight or later [related note: yay no more West Coast trips for the Red Sox this year!], so even if I am up I only get to catch the early innings on my way to bed. I shall be glad to return to the US on Thursday and avoid having such tired, miserable thoughts as the above get in the way of enjoying the games. Assuming the plane makes it!

Monday 3 August 2009

The arrival of Victor Martinez

Glad to see Victor Martinez assured himself a warm welcome when he first starts at Fenway next week. His was the acquisition I had hoped for this trade deadline, thinking he could be the eventual replacement for Varitek, but then I read suggestions that he cannot catch full-time any more (MLBTR commenters, not worthy of a specific link). I have found no explanation of this and would welcome comments. It hadn't occurred to me that his arrival could lead to Tek's ($5m) option for next year being bought out (for $3m) until it was suggested -- which surely implies Martinez can catch plenty of games. Sentimentality commits me to hope that Tek does stay with the team for one more year, and Epstein's admirable tendency to build redundancy into the squad suggests that will happen.

Seeing Kottaras being placed on the DL alongside Wakefield reminded me of the ancient Egyptian practice of burying slaves with their masters, even if they were still alive -- though this is thankfully a temporary variant. Given the rules, it seems the out-of-options Kottaras chose the only way to keep himself in the Red Sox organisation. Good for him.